yummysolitude's Journal

This is the exact letter that Kelly wrote me and my response to it.... except in prose. I added a few thoughts, but the substance of this is just what i wrote in that letter.

God isn't just a guy here to pacify our cries
He's the entirety. All that is great, he provides, right?

a baby without having felt a mother's touch dies
a craving without having felt another's clutch is life,
wife

maybe Kelly and Tiffany were both right
and I..... "need something.....
to save me from my mind"

and something much better than what I want I'll recieve
she said
and I'll ask for what I want, but I'll get what I need
she said

God listen, you know my heart bleeds. I'm begging and I'm pleading.
but you're only just a chagrin calamity misleading.
I continue on with feeding.
but you never filled me up, so I'm finally conceding.

You're great minus the background rates and all my dates :)
and every single moment when I'd contemplate my fate
and every single time I go to class even at Michigan State,
I show up late. (that's for real)

I curse from outside the gates.
I guess you probably need a soul first to be able to have a mate.

This is just a chess game.

All I want... is to just... walk across....
and maybe a queen will finally king me, a pawn
but that's not how it works
I'm trying to play checkers
trying get a check MATE, from a few letters

it's almost through, this knight lol...
and nevermind the bishop ;)
I've almost wbote a whole rook
with a few pieces....
of wisdom

me, searching for a queen Fisher
singing by the moat
after I made a castle
with this little bit I wrote

(No less... pretty much about chess lol)

Just to be happy with something I want
is what I really need
So I hate my life, I hate hope,
and I hate my "mustard seed" (from Mathew)

and I hate you, God
with a passion beyond anything
including words
go ahead and tell me how it's just my greed

Sorry Kelly, but your preaching doesn't bring me any relief
Only the smiles you drew in that letter you sent to me

Your God is not my parent.
I won't stop whining.
When I wake up tomorrow,
the sun will still be shining.

But I really am a child.
and my "romantic life"
is still just a game of peekaboo
with someone who's not my wife

Six years I've felt alone.
I'd rather be dead.
completely (not just part of me)
instead.

Can't someone just admit that I can be their savior?
Even Jesus spent his infant time in a cradle.
I'm usually "merry" though sometimes I feel like this,

but only when I question if I need to exist.

Holy shit.

So say whatever you're going to say.
We're both too far gone to change our thinking anyway.

It seems I may never find satisfaction.
And no matter what happens to you, girl,
you'll have the same reaction:

Praise be to God.
This world is somehow perfect.
Though this is my existence.
Beware of all the turbulence.

Current Mood: like nothing ever before
Current Music: none

Advertisement